from the Heart of Conflict

Conflict demands that we respond. Instinct gives a choice between fight or flight, but the wisdom of our soul counsels that something more is possible…

Conflict itself is not the problem. Conflict is woven into the fundamental fabric of nature. The sea and the land meet in violent conflict and make waves together. The plow turns the meadow and wheat springs forth. Conflict is liable to be present wherever we go. It shows up at family reunions, departmental meetings, sales calls, budget sessions, crowded parking lots, PTA meetings, checkout lines, counseling sessions, church meetings, football games, funerals and motel rooms. Conflict is evidence that human beings are engaged in something interesting.

Conflict is the spice that seasons our most intimate relationships. Two six-year-olds get into a brief and bloody fight and become lifelong friends. Two lawyers battle one another in court and decide to become partners. A man falls in love with a woman who is his opposite in every way and a family is created in the ensuing hailstorm…

The thunder bolt of conflict carries the power of both destruction and creation. Conflict is the spark of life itself. Conflict demands that we respond. Instinct gives a choice between fight or flight, but the wisdom of our soul counsels that something more is possible. Will our reaction be impulsive and self-defeating, or is it possible to discover a new route through the jungle of emotions?

Excerpt from The Heart of Conflict, by Brian Muldoon, G. P. Putnam's Sons, 1996


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Fighting for Fatherhood